first entry

There is not exactly a lack of frum bloggers out there, or single orthodox girls blogging about life and dating...yet I've decided to become one of them. Hopefully, I'll have something new to say, at the very least it will be an outlet for me to share my thoughts with the world.

So, why not start with a totally overdone theme -- dating. I'm an Orthodox twenty-something and somehow dating has become such a huge focus in my life, which can be frustrated because I pretty much suck at it. In the past years I have been on something like 20 dates, which I know by some Jewish standards is not all that much, but I can't bring myself to become one of those "serial daters". ok I also am not into the whole shidduch scene and couldn't neccesarily go on three dates a night even if I wanted to. That aside, none of these dates have become close to anything resembling a relationship. Yes, there have been some that I have turned down. But overwhelmingly, I have been rejected by my dates, and none have gone past the third date. Besides the self-esteem issues that come up by continually going out with guys who are not into me, I also realize that there is something about my interaction on dates that just isn't working. And as much as I want to be in a relationship, and ok also be getting married, I've never been good at putting my vibe out there and making myself vulnerable to rejection. Somehow it's easier to put on a veneer of not caring and then when I do get rejected my friends don't even realize that it actually does make me sad because I have not let on that I care all that much. Understanding my actions and even a little bit the reasoning behind them is good for self growth and all that, but its so much harder, at least for me, to put any real change in action behind those theoretical beliefs. The plan is to work on that.